Learning to Live with Lyme

The other shoe did indeed drop, and it was so unexpected. I knew nothing about Lyme Disease, except that it came from a tick bite. I couldn't recall a tick, nor the bullseye bite mark associated with it. I felt a range of emotions ranging from horror, the image of a bacteria oozing into my bloodstream and infiltrating my nervous system, joints and heart, feeding on my insides... to feeling validated relief. I wasn't losing my mind! I wasn't overly sensitive or suffering psychosomatically. There was a legitimate reason I was suffering, and it was treatable. I'd spent my life seeking an answer. As I tried to determine when I was infected, I kept tracing symptoms further and further back, and all the pieces came together, like an invisible puzzle materializing into a clear landscape of my life's struggles. Lyme Disease. It was all connected. These physical and emotional quirks weren't normal. They weren't me. It was all Lyme's. The emotional pendulum swung back to horror. I've had this disease most of my life. I could trace it back to nearly 3rd grade. All the flus that weren't contagious to anyone else, the gall bladder surgery, the frequent adrenal exhaustion, the relentless indigestion and stomach pains, the forgetfulness, the random shooting pains, the anxiety to depression swings, the muscle aches, the food sensitivities, the many, many allergies, the night sweats, skin tingling, the poor sense of direction, the FATIGUE, oh the fatigue... the list went on and on. It was all Lyme's. I was angry and hopeful. I'd seen so many physicians of every specialty throughout my life, and until today, there was never a definitive answer. I was judged, shamed and ignored. I'd learned to push myself through pain and work until exhaustion to thrive. Unbeknownst to those around me, my high energy and productivity came at a high price, and I'd always felt I'd had to work so much harder than everyone else for every inch I traveled. I was angry I'd suffered so long and no one had understood. And I felt relieved. I now know what I'm fighting. And all these years of fighting have built willpower and inner strength. I felt hope. All I needed was a plan. Now that I know what I'm fighting, this vicious blend of bacterium doesn't stand a chance. Once I know what to do, I'll do anything necessary to feel well. I'll find the way to live my optimal life with Lyme, and hopefully one day, without it.